not BrotherWord - Dating 101

BrotherWord,

There seems to be a serious lack of qualified men in the marketplace and the art of courting has seem to become a thing of the past.  Has dating devolved to a couple of drinks in hopes of a one-night stand or is there a sliver of hope for courtship that resembles the days of my elders?  Do men really court women anymore or has courting a lady become passé?

Sincerely,

Dating 101

Dating 101,

Thank you for bringing this hot topic to BrotherWord.  Let’s jump right in!  I must say that I would have to disagree that there is a “lack of qualified men.”  My immediate question would be what are the standards or benchmarks for a “qualified man?”  Is it based on physical stature, bank accounts, type of vehicle he drives, or is it based on the character of the man and how he treats his lady?  The measure of a MAN is not based solely on tangible gains, but how he uplifts his community, provides for his family, treats a stranger, and carries himself during good and bad times.  What qualifies a true man are measurements that can not be easily calculated through a casual encounter, but are recognized when his walk matches his talk.  So when you say there are no more “qualified men,” are you really looking at the man himself or a false and superficial façade perpetuated by society?

The next thing we have to explore, and this one is a touchy subject, but are women today really ready for a truly qualified man.  There is an abundance of men who are willing and able to court a woman, but no man, or anyone for that matter, wants to be used or taken for granted.  Unfortunately, there is a sect of women who are only looking for a man to care for their immediate needs, whether that need be paying a bill or satisfying a desire.  This has tarnished the relationship between men and women and caused men to be more cautious when it comes to dating and courting.  Many men are hesitant to court as in the days of old as they are afraid the lady may quickly dump them for another who they perceive may be a bigger cash cow.

Please do not think the problem lies solely with women though.  Men have become lazy, plain and simple.  Men have forgotten the art of courting, learning about their love interest, wooing her, enticing her affection, and winning her heart.  Courting requires two things some men are not willing to part with – patience and persistence.  Furthermore, not many date with a purpose anymore.  Today’s idea of dating routinely is designed for immediate gratification and not long term stability or companionship.

To make matters worst, women are accepting these subpar practices.  Because there is a perception that there is a lack of qualified or good men out there, women are accepting the first man that comes along and seems halfway decent, somewhat stable, and pays them the slightest of attention.  Both men and women have lowered their standards in hopes of finding companionship.  The notion of love and marriage is not valued or honored as it once was, nor are people dating for love or to be married anymore.

What is the solution?  To get back to the basics and that means starting with self.  Determine why you are dating and what are your parameters.  Are you dating with a purpose in mind and what is that purpose, to get married or just looking for companionship from time to time or something different altogether?  Once you have decided why you are dating, what exactly are you willing to accept and more importantly, what are you bringing to the table.  There is nothing wrong with wanting the cream of the crop, but if you are not willing to put forth the same effort you are desiring, you are doing both of you a huge disservice.  Finally, if your purpose is to find lasting love, you have to be patient and selective.  If you are splitting yourself and your time between multiple suitors how are you building with any one?  When it comes to courting and finding a qualified and suitable mate, less is more.

The pool of “qualified men” may seem watered down, but like with any buried treasure, you have to be willing to dig deeper than the surface to find what is hidden beneath.  It isn’t just BrotherWord who thinks there is an abundance of good men out there either.  Take a moment to watch the video and hear it from a woman’s perspective.

Do you agree with Dating 101?  Are you finding it difficult to find a suitable or qualified mate?  Do you think BrotherWord is right and there are many qualified men, but the practice of dating has been tarnished?  Leave your thoughts here or @BrotherWord or facebook.com/BrotherWord with the hashtag #Dating101.