BrotherWord - Alone

Dear BrotherWord,

I’ve been wrestling with this for awhile and I don’t know what is worse – to be alone or to feel alone in a relationship.  Currently I am in a relationship and I feel more alone than when I was by myself.  I used to think that once I found the right person, it would fill some of the void I was feeling and the loneliness of being alone and having to experience life alone would somehow diminish.  Sad part, I feel more alone now than ever.  I have no idea what to do.  Do I try to tough it out or go back to isolation and loneliness?  Either way leaves me right where I am now… ALONE.

Alone,

Thank you for contacting BrotherWord.  As much as you may feel you are alone, how you feel is not unique and this is not the first time someone has contacted BrotherWord because they felt alone in their relationship.  Unlike before, what you have expressed does not appear to be triggered by one thing or another, but stems from within as opposed to the actions of someone else.

Being alone and being lonely are two different mindsets and feelings, but both conjure a void that is debilitating and depleting.  To be alone is a state of seclusion and isolation, solitude and absent of any contact with anyone, to be separate, apart, and excluded from the world, reality, and life as a whole.  Whereas loneliness is a more complex emotional state that is derived from a feeling of lack of companionship and connection with others that manifests in a myriad of social, mental, and emotional issues.  The biggest difference between the two is that those that claim loneliness feel lonely while immersed in a room full of people, even though they are in a relationship, and despite having a successful and thriving career and/or personal life.

What we need to determine is what has caused you to feel alone.  What is it that is lacking in your life that is causing you to feel disconnected not only in your relationship, but also in society?  Is it an unfulfilled desire, unrequited love, lack of passion, poor intellectual or physical stimuli, or possible absence of something else?  Whatever is happening that is making you feel alone is more self-inflicted than caused by anyone else or any outside factor.

But don’t fret, because just as the feeling of loneliness and concept of being alone has overtaken you lately, it can be remedied and turned around with a bit of work.  The first step is to realize that you are not alone.  You are constantly surrounded by life!  You are currently in a relationship which means there is an actual, physical presence in your life, someone whom which you share time with.  What is it about the relationship that makes you feel alone and how can it be fixed?  Maybe you used to spend more time together, talked more, had a stronger intimate connection and things have become lax or complacent.  It happens… people get comfortable and forget that courtship means putting in more work than it took to get the person to begin with.  Speak with your mate and let them know you miss what made the relationship fun and exciting and also start incorporating it yourself.  It takes two to let the fire die down.

Above that, it’s time to find you!  Whatever is lacking is buried within and now is the time to reignite your inner fire and start living life to the fullest.  Waiting on someone else to fill a void is a surefire way that leads to letdowns and disappointment.  No one can you relieve your feeling of loneliness and if you are unhappy with yourself and your life, you will always feel alone.  Starting immediately, find something you are passionate about and pursue it.  If you are unsure what your passion may be, start serving others until you figure it out and watch how much you are appreciated and how valuable you are as a person.  Stop depending on others to provide what you desire.  Everything you need is at your fingertips and the moment you take one step in that direction, life will open up and the voids will begin to fill themselves in.

You are not alone and feeling lonely is a manifestation of a perceived lack in your life, but you can change all of that.  Look all around you and appreciate every opportunity life offers.  When you begin thinking about all you have and how far you have come, you will realize how much you have to be thankful for and how full your life truly is and how feeling alone was a momentary blip on the radar.

“You may believe you are lonely, but you are truly never alone.” ~ Marianne Trocotti

What do you think about BrotherWord’s advice – on point or far-fetched?  Leave your comments here or on facebook.com/BrotherWord or @BrotherWord with the hashtag #Alone.  Loneliness can be conquered and if we look around, none of us are truly alone.  The pursuit of happiness begins by taking the first step in a poisitive direction.  Let BrotherWord help you find your inner peace and demolish loneliness altogether!