Posts tagged #AskBrotherWord
I recently came across an article that read, “When a man gets ready to settle down and become a provider, he doesn’t look for a strong, independent woman, but rather a woman who will allow him to provide for her.” Do you think this is true and do men feel like they are in competition with a woman if she has a successful career?
We Want to Know
Greetings We Want to Know! What a great topic and question. It seems to be an ongoing discussion on how men perceive women in power or those with high paying positions and whether or not men can realistically handle not being the bread winner or having an “inferior” career title. Let me say this first and foremost. Although women’s rights and empowerment have come a long way and we find women serving in multiple areas as CEOs, heading multi-billion corporations, high-ranking government offices, and at the forefront of major organizations, any man would and should be proud to be linked with, associated with, and/or married to such a woman.
There is a huge misconception that men marry down and women marry up. That is an ideal that at one point in time may have had some merit, but has long since been dismissed. In today’s society, both men and women are looking for equal partners (in most cases) and even if they are not equal from the onset, they at least recognize the potential to grow and build together. Most women are seeking a man who is established or at least has a goal in mind and working towards that goal, has an idea of where life his going and where he would like to be in the near future, shows stability, and is open to sharing his world. Women need and want a man to be provider and protector and assure their safety and security. Most men are looking for a woman who knows who she is and is confident in that, who is willing to lend a hand and support, who is independent enough to hold her own, yet trusting enough to allow her man to lead, and is willing an able to forge a partnership for the betterment of the couple. If anyone, either male or female, tells you they are looking for a doormat or someone who will be subservient, run as quickly as possible!
I am at a complete lost and confused and at my breaking point. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and today I found out he has a daughter! A 3 year old daughter that he has never said anything about, I have never met, and did not know she even existed. What am I supposed to do with that? How am I supposed to accept this little girl, who may be innocent in the matter, but was kept a secret? And when I asked him why he kept her a secret, all he could say was I didn’t know how to tell you. Please help because as much as I love him, I am ready to walk!
The Secret is Out
With the holidays approaching, I am dreading family dinner. Between my sister who is still holding on to past issues (I am married to the man who used to be her high school sweetheart), to my in-laws who wish their son was married to my sister, to a mother I can never seem to please, a 14 year old who works my last nerve, and not enough time in the day to get everything done, I am dreading this year’s family dinner more than usual. Please tell me how do I get through the holidays without it turning into a complete disaster?
Holiday Horror Show
Hi Holiday Horror Show (Wow!),
No one should dread spending time with family, especially during the holidays. What is supposed to be a time of cheer and happiness can quickly turn into conflict and discord if steps are taken to ease the tension.
The first option is to handle the things you have control over. Your sister still harboring ill will or your in-laws dwelling on what they wish would have been are beyond your scope. The one thing you can do is go to each of them and express how it has and continues to make you feel. Explain to your sister that you understand why she may feel as she does and that regardless of what took place, she is still your sister and that relationship is important to you. Not knowing how you came to marry you sister’s high school sweetheart, it is plausible that a mix of emotions surround the circumstances. Nonetheless, that was the past and this is the present. There is a way to move forward, rebuild and reestablish that sisterly bond if both of you are willing to try.
Your in-laws, that is a different approach altogether. How they feel is less important than if they respect you and your marriage. It is time that boundaries and understanding are established. Their son, your husband, chose to marry you and as such, they need to come to terms with that and get on board. What they may have wanted for their son, what they envisioned, what they hoped for, was their whimsical wishes and obviously he had other plans. It is time for them to accept that and it may take a heart-to-heart that includes them and the backing of your husband for them to let go of what could have been and what actually exists. This conversation albeit tough, can and should be handled with love and respect. Remember, they are still you husband’s parents, your daughter’s grandparents, and your extended family. As much as you may want to Bewitch them and make them disappear, it is just not that simple.
Your daughter… that appears to be teenage angst. I can imagine like most of us, you too worked your parents nerves every now and then. One of the simplest ways to find common ground is to work on common objectives. As much as she may fight against your every effort, building traditions and memories opens lines of communication and begins to build a rapport that leads to understanding and less conflict. The holidays are a great time to start family traditions and mend broken fences. Do not let another opportunity pass to build a better relationship with your daughter.
Last, but certainly not least, do not over-stress or put undue pressure on yourself to please everyone. That is an impossible task and the true essence and purpose of the holidays is to come together, family and friends and share holiday cheer. The sensationalization and obsessive shopping has clouded and degraded what the holidays were meant for. It was never about the biggest or shiniest gift, but all about gathering together to celebrate the blessings of the season. If you focus on that, what the holiday season really represents, I guarantee you will delight in the holiday spirit.
This year, build a new family tradition. Instead of shopping to you drop, volunteer as a family spreading love and happiness to those less fortunate. Adopt another family and help them experience holiday cheer and some of the magic of the season. Start rebuilding the cohesiveness of your family by coming together, starting anew, and sharing joy and yule tidings to one and all.
There seems to be a serious lack of qualified men in the marketplace and the art of courting has seem to become a thing of the past. Has dating devolved to a couple of drinks in hopes of a one-night stand or is there a sliver of hope for courtship that resembles the days of my elders? Do men really court women anymore or has courting a lady become passé?
Dating 101 (more…)
Do you think women should be submissive to their husbands? After having a conversation with a group of older ladies, I really began to wonder. I was asked if I was submissive to men and told rather matter-of-factly, that I would continue to be single and forever lonely until I learned how to cater to my man! They went on to say that young women are more about friends, careers, etc. first and treat men as a last priority. Their definition of being submissive was that their needs are met after his and to allow the man to make choices and simply follow. Call me crazy, but I’ve been making decisions for myself for quite sometime and I don’t need anyone making them for me now. I have no problem collaborating, but it sounds to me they are saying I need to relinquish all freedom and personal choices. That isn’t an option so now what?
New Millenium Woman (more…)
One of BrotherWord’s faithful readers, @ljackwill3805, forwarded an article regarding soulmates. In the article, @TheMaryGraham talks about how her husband is NOT her soulmate and how as her daughters grow, discover themselves, and eventually seek a husband of their own, she does not want them to become disillusioned with the notion that soulmates exist. I could not disagree more! (more…)
I’ve been wrestling with this for awhile and I don’t know what is worse – to be alone or to feel alone in a relationship. Currently I am in a relationship and I feel more alone than when I was by myself. I used to think that once I found the right person, it would fill some of the void I was feeling and the loneliness of being alone and having to experience life alone would somehow diminish. Sad part, I feel more alone now than ever. I have no idea what to do. Do I try to tough it out or go back to isolation and loneliness? Either way leaves me right where I am now… ALONE. (more…)
Really not sure what to do. I don’t want to be labeled as the cheating husband, but what do you do when your needs aren’t met at home. And I’m not talking about physical needs, not to say that isn’t a problem too, but the connection on a mental and emotional level it takes to sustain a relationship. I love my wife, but she stopped being my wife long ago. She’s wrapped up in herself, the kids, her job, her family, her friends, and everything else but me and our marriage. I’m tired of being taken for granted and neglected. The saying is true, whatever is missing at home can be found elsewhere, and I’m beginning to look elsewhere. Please help before this gets too far out of hand.
Together Alone (more…)
I’m desperate and I need help ASAP. I’m supposed to marry my fiancé in 2 weeks and as it gets closer, my anxiety is rising. I’ve been keeping a secret that I’ve been living with for 17 years that I haven’t shared with anyone. My mother doesn’t know, my friends don’t know, and my soon-to-be husband has no idea. The thing is, I don’t want to start my marriage with secrets, but I have no idea how my fiance may react or if this will change his image of me. I’m almost to the point of walking away altogether.
I can use your advice. My lady and I have been together a little over a year and lately I feel like we are drifting apart. The vibe we once shared has dwindled considerably and the moments we used to share are few and far in between. We once shared a connection that I had never experienced but as of lately, we have become distant. I’m not sure what has changed, but something definitely has. I have a million thoughts running through my mind about what could be going on, none of which are good. She means everything to me and I am willing to do whatever it takes to salvage our relationship. Please help me.