I’m caught up in a serious predicament and I don’t know how to stop or get myself out of it. Since I broke up with my ex, I’ve remained single, not dating or any of the “perks” that come along with dating. The problems arose when I ran into my ex at a coffee shop we both frequented and enjoyed together. I really wasn’t expecting to see him there since he moved to another part of town after we split. That initial jolt and shock of seeing him brought back a slew of emotions. We separated amicably, so we sat down drinking our coffee and caught up on life. Of course one thing led to another and next thing you know we’re back at my place (our old place) having sex. This has reoccurred several times, 8 to be exact, over the past 3 months and every time we say that it’s not going to happen again, but it does. We also know we broke up in the first place for legitimate reasons and we’re not going to get back together, but we’re still having sex. How do I stop this and break apart for good?
Dear Ex Sex,
I’m glad you sought BrotherWord for advice and hopefully this response provides some help. Is it a fair assessment to say that you still have an attraction and possibly deep-rooted feelings for your ex? You didn’t say how long you and your ex have been separated, but regardless of the time-lapse, you definitely still have at least one thing in common.
The dilemma here is whether you really want to move on and if you’re causing yourself emotional or psychological damage. It’s easy to get stuck, to do (no pun intended) what is comfortable, and go back to what your familiar and comfortable with. However, comfortability and familiarity can be misleading and debilitating. You admitted that your breakup, although amicable, was for legitimate reasons and there are no intentions of reconciliation. Never say never, but it seems considerable thought was put into why the relationship had reached its plateau and it was time to move on.
You have to decide what it is you want. Is it about carnal pleasure and not feeling alone, having companionship, even if it’s fleeing and temporary? Or are you seeking a meaningful relationship, something that can fulfill you in every way – emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically? If you are truly seeking a productive and complete relationship, it is time to let go completely. Continuing to be intimate with your ex is bonding you to him and blocking the possibility of what may be awaiting you. You’re tying your soul and your future to a man you’ve admitted is not your future. You’ve become stagnant in your own healing process and fallen back into a situation you know is not beneficial to you. It’s time to begin anew!
Moving on isn’t easy, but it’s necessary for growth. In order to grow within and find the man of your dreams, you have to let go, heal on your own, in your own space and time, learn the lessons from the past , and prepare for who and what lies ahead. The only way you’ll be able to successfully do that is by releasing your ex and not placing yourself in that situation any further. The sex may be mind-blowing physical euphoria, but after the ecstasy, what are you left with? That is the premise you have to remember and focus on and force yourself to seek more than a moment of pleasure.
Stay strong and if necessary, take plenty of cold showers, but if all else fails, remember you want and deserve more and the only way to gain all you aspire to have to is to release all that doesn’t belong. Keep BrotherWord posted on your progress.
What do you think Ex Sex should do? Do you think BrotherWord gave the best advice? If you have any questions and need help tackling life’s challenges or love’s triangles, or just want advice to help you traverse your journey, #AskBrotherWord.