I make more money than my husband and it has caused issues in our marriage and is a constant source of discontent between my husband and me. I’m not sure how to resolve this issue or how to appease my husband’s pride and dignity. Is this an issue of my husband being uncomfortable not being the main bread winner or a sense of embarrassment amongst our peers? How can we move past this?
Seems like you have an ongoing dilemma in your marriage and from the tone of your question, this isn’t something new. Without assuming, it would appear that you have been the “bread winner” in your family for most of, if not, the entire time you and your husband have been together. But how exactly has money affected your relationship?
We live in a new society that is very different from the days of yesteryear, the days of our parents, grandparents, and great grandparents, when the man, the husband, the father worked and was the sole provider for the family and the woman, the wife, the mother tended only to maintaining the home and caring for the family. Today’s woman is a go-getter, a self-provider, a money maker, a leader of men and women alike. She epitomizes independence, strength, and fortitude in the workforce and at home and because of circumstances and fate, many of our women have been thrust into playing many roles and wearing numerous hats.
The unfortunate cause is that the lines continue to get blurred within the household and animosity begins to build. The man begins to feel emasculated and disrespected whereas the woman starts to take on the thoughts of why shouldn’t I dictate how the money is spent since I’m the one making it. The communication breaks down.
Money Talks, if you haven’t heard it before, let me share a little secret with you: Men are prideful creatures and unlike women, respect from their spouse, family, friends, and peers is paramount above all else. Don’t get me wrong, men too display emotion, can communicate, are attentive and loving, but above all else, men have been bred in a manner that pride and prestige surpasses even that. But as it states in Proverbs 16:18, “Pride goes before destruction, and haughtiness before a fall.”
The solution is finding a balancing act and you and your husband will have to sit down, speak openly and honestly, and find an agreeable compromise. Money Talks, although your salary may be more than your husband’s, it does not diminish his contribution, nor should it give you reason to make him feel lesser or inferior. It absolutely does not give you carte blanche to flaunt your earnings, hold them over his head, or use them as tool for your bidding. As his wife, his partner, would it not be more appealing to present your wages as part of the bigger picture, a way to help your family obtain the things you and your husband desire for the family? And although it may be difficult at first, the more you work with your husband, communicate with him, allow him to fulfill his God given duties as the shepherd of your home, would it not allow for a happier home, a more fulfilling marriage, and a greater level of love?
Please don’t think I’m laying the entire burden on you. Your husband too has to work with you and make sacrifices. He has to put pride aside and realize that money is just a way to obtain things, but the love you share is the sustaining force. Who makes what is not the issue, but more so, how the money is applied should be the focus. It shouldn’t matter what his peers say or think, because the only people who matter in this equation are you and him. As your husband, he will soon realize that you are partners in life and in marriage and the roles of CEO and CFO flop day in and day out.
As long as the partnership is rooted properly, the plans are discussed, agreed upon, and followed through by all, the business (marriage, love, relationship) will do nothing but prosper and you will see the tide turn and this hurdle will be a thing of the past. Next time you see your husband, give him the biggest hug you can, share with him how important you feel he is to your family, and thank him for what he contributes. Watch that manly exterior soften up, the lines of communication open up, and your marriage blossom beyond your wildest dreams.
Peace and Blessings,
P.S. If you really want to shake things up, tip that man and watch him move mountains for you, literally and figuratively!