Ask BrotherWord – Losing Her
I can use your advice. My lady and I have been together a little over a year and lately I feel like we are drifting apart. The vibe we once shared has dwindled considerably and the moments we used to share are few and far in between. We once shared a connection that I had never experienced but as of lately, we have become distant. I’m not sure what has changed, but something definitely has. I have a million thoughts running through my mind about what could be going on, none of which are good. She means everything to me and I am willing to do whatever it takes to salvage our relationship. Please help me.
Dear Losing Her,
I appreciate you reaching out to BrotherWord. I can hear and feel the angst you are experiencing and my sincerest hope is to mend the relationship between you and your lady. It is very enthusiastic that you are willing to do whatever it takes to get your relationship back on the right path and insure you do not lose this woman you obviously care so much about.
The thing about relationships is that they go in cycles. After the initial phase that is full of euphoria and exploration, many couples get into a routine and become stagnant. One of the biggest obstacles is keeping the relationship fresh, making sure any lulls are short and do not leave a lasting affect. Could this be one of the challenges you are experiencing? Has the relationship become routine instead of refreshing? What has changed from when you began first dating?
Life also is a huge factor. From the strains of work, family, and friends, unfortunately those closest to us are to the ones we take for granted and began to ignore. Because someone is a constant in our lives does not give anyone the right to assume they will always be there. Being present is much different than participation. A relationship, a true relationship, requires active participation from both.
Have you really lost her, though? I know it seems dire and I can imagine the litany of thoughts running through your head as to why things have changed, but let’s not focus on the unknown when there is much that can still be done. Before things escalate, or more accurately, diminishes further, speak to your lady and let her know how you are feeling. Many men are afraid to express their feelings, which is oftentimes the biggest downfall. Let her know that you have seen a change in your relationship and it’s affecting you and the relationship. Find out if there is something going on with her (she may have a family issue, medical issue, career issue or something going on that is consuming her) or if she is having an issue with you and hasn’t been able to bring herself to speak about it. No matter what, create an atmosphere for dialogue, be willing to hear what she has to say, and ready to deal with whatever follows. It may not be what you want to hear, but it is better than the unknown.
Began courting her again. All the things you did initially to woo her, start doing them again and build on that. Find ways to draw her back to you, entice all her senses, and remind her why the relationship is important. Don’t let the relationship become stagnant or mundane. Find ways to add a spark, be spontaneous, and show her how important she is to you.
Last, but certainly not least, take the time for a bit of self-reflection. Have you dropped the ball in some way and made your lady feel unwanted, unloved, unappreciated? Any relationship requires equal effort and that means putting forth the energy to sustain the relationship even when it becomes difficult. What can you work on individually to improve things collectively? You too must be accountable for your actions and take responsibility for growing the relationship in order to achieve the desired outcome.
Work on re-kindling the relationship and spend less time thinking about losing her. Also, spend time on developing yourself and give her the space to do the same, as well as miss you. Lay the foundation to bring you back together and let the relationship take its natural course.
What do you think Losing Her can do to restore his relationship? Do you agree or disagree with BrotherWord’s advice. Add your thoughts and comments as we all work together to build better relationships.