Every marriage hits a speed bump and inevitably there is some sort of discord. How do you get over the hump? What if you cannot? Sometimes, unfortunately, infidelity happens and affairs take place, but what happens when you leave your husband, fall in love with another man and then realize you miss your husband?
That was the predicament Maria Butzki faced when she left her husband, Paul. Maria realized how much she missed her husband, but didn’t want to be without her new lover, Peter Gruman! Feeling caught between the man she missed and her newfound love, Maria found, arguably, the ideal solution… she moved Peter into the family home with herself, Paul, and their 16 and 12 year old daughters, Laura and Amy.
Surprisingly, this peculiar arrangement seems to be working for them. The two men have formed a friendship and Paul states that Peter is a great guy and they have much in common. Peter speaks about how well they all get along and how there is no jealousy because he doesn’t feel he is sharing Maria. Although Maria admits that it may seem weird to many, she loves both men and couldn’t choose between them.
Maria says that sex is never discussed and they all sleep separately, with the men having their own rooms and she sleeping with her oldest daughter. She said she became tired of going between two households to see them and having to live separate lives; it was much easier living under one roof and combining homes.
It’s hard to imagine that anyone would agree to this, let alone actually participate (they’ve been living as such since November 2012 and are looking for a bigger home to accommodate everyone). What was once taboo and ostracized has now become accepted behavior. The mere fact that Maria was comfortable and confident enough to approach her estranged husband and lover, sit them together and propose such arrangement speaks volumes to how society’s ideals have shifted.
No longer is marriage revered as it once was, we subject our children to questionable acts, and we take the easy way out more often than not. Please hear me when I say this is NOT a damnation of this family, because what makes them happy is for them. No one is in a place to pass judgment. It may not be for everyone and it is definitely questionable, as they attest to, but what is more alarming is that Paul and Peter accepted it. Love is a powerful factor, however each man chose to remain knowing the woman they loved, loved someone else, but didn’t love them enough to only choose one. It’s one thing to accept an affair; it’s a totally different thing to welcome the object of that affair to live with you. Maria did more than make lemonade out of lemons, she concocted a new drink altogether. As hard as it may have been, she ultimately circumvented having live with her choices and be held accountable. for her, there were no consequences. What she has accomplished is unprecedented, showing her daughters that it is okay to have your cake and eat it too.