#AskBrotherWord – Soulmate

BrotherWord - Soulmate

One of BrotherWord’s faithful readers, @ljackwill3805, forwarded an article regarding soulmates.  In the article, @TheMaryGraham talks about how her husband is NOT her soulmate and how as her daughters grow, discover themselves, and eventually seek a husband of their own, she does not want them to become disillusioned with the notion that soulmates exist.  I could not disagree more!

“People think a soulmate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants.  But a true soulmate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you change your life.  A true soulmate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake.  A soulmate’s purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so out of control that you have to transform your life…” ~ Elizabeth Gilbert

When people hear “soulmate” they immediately fantasize and romanticize it the point of being unrealistic and out of reach, but as the quote demonstrates, a true soulmate is both a mirror and a telescope.  It displays all we are and helps us to see beyond the mirror to reach new heights.  What a soulmate does is makes us vulnerable and as scary as that may be, it is also invigorating and captivating.  A soulmate allows us to be ourselves, tear down the walls, and truly reach for the stars.  A real soulmate is a best friend, the most starch critic, the loudest cheerleader, the greatest supporter, the most attentive lover, and the one person who no matter what, will not abandon you.   A true soulmate is someone who bores beneath the layers to discover our soul and when they do, they cherish and nurture it.  A true soulmate brings out the best in us even when we have given up and lost all hope.

@TheMaryGraham cites “It’s not fair that people with disabilities get judged by how they look. Some adults don’t get soulmates because of how they are looked at,” as the quote that sparked her thoughts.  Profound to say the least, especially coming from a 7th grader.  What’s wrong with dreaming, wishing, and hoping for someone to ignite your soul?  Aside from scientific rationale, the soul can be thought of as the deepest recesses of any person’s being.  Who would want to be touched at their core, to feel butterflies and fire in the pits of their essence, and for every sensation to be sparked… at once?  I thoroughly understand that @TheMaryGraham does not want her daughters to have a false sense of love and relationships or false ideologies that will lead to future heartache.  I get it.  I would beg to challenge that those ideals coupled with heartache will not only shape and mold each person, but will help them to learn who and what they want and allow them to discover their true soulmate.  It is the dream we all aspire to achieve, the unimaginable, that which seems just out of reach, that wakes us up each day and sparks us to discover something anew.

“He challenges me, encourages me, and talks me down off cliffs, but he isn’t the end-all-be-all of my world.”  I agree that to put any person on a pedestal to the point of idolization, god-like, is very unhealthy and dangerous.  I just don’t see a soulmate as such.  To challenge, encourage and talk down off a cliff, takes a very special person, someone who is in tune and in sync with whom I am, what I desire, what I need, and what I don’t need.  That person knows me and uses that knowledge to help me and not harm me.  The protect me, even if it is from myself, they give me space to discover, learn, and grow on my own, and they are there stand in the gap and pick me up when I fall.  If that isn’t a soulmate, then what it is?  And if that is not a realistic expectation in a relationship, maybe the state of relationships needs to be reexamined.

One of the greatest statements made in the article deals with the misconception that a soulmate is expected to somehow complete the other person.  ATTENTION:  If you are looking for someone to complete you, you are setting yourself up for failure and your relationship is doomed from the onset!  We are all flawed and as flawed beings, we will never be perfect or have the ability to meet every imaginable expectation.  We will fall short daily in many aspects, but it is the times in between that connects us and that define a soulmate.  A soulmate is someone who can anticipate what you may need and fulfill it, and at the very least, make the effort to somehow brighten your day with the simplest of gestures.  Your soulmate knows you and because they know you, they know what makes you tick and what shuts you down, they complement without trying to complete, they reinforce your beliefs, they shield you from harm, and most importantly, the love you in spite of your flaws.  A soulmate literally shares a kinetic energy with its partner that like gravity, draws two souls to a cataclysmic collision that will forever change the lives of both.

Sure, life may be just as eventful, fun-loving and you may find someone who makes you smile and brightens your day, but I think we can all agree that even if it was only in our deepest thoughts or the pages of our journals, we each have sought that person who touches the deepest parts of our mind and heart like no one else could.   Some have even been lucky enough to find that person.  @TheMaryGraham is 100% correct and on the money when she says, “That their {her daughters} God loves them more than any man ever could and that no one will ever come along and complete them the way they long to be completed. Their longing isn’t of this world.”  The love God has for us is unconditional and unyielding and as human beings we will fall short and our love for one another will come into question.  Again, there is no one on this plain that can complete you and speaking from a biblical and spiritual basis, completion does not happen within this realm, but is a Heavenly ascension and transformation that is obtained only through a transition from this world.  That said, the gift of love can be obtained, taught, and learned, and based on the article in question and other stories from @TrustyChucks, the blueprint of God’s gift in the form of a soulmate are on grand display and the young ladies have a beautiful example to aspire towards.

A daughter/father love is special and unique and no one else may make that father’s daughter feel as whole or as loved.  A father is a daughter’s first love and like any first love, the standards are high.  Most girls want to marry a man who epitomizes their father – priest, protector, and provider.  What a soulmate brings to that equation is passion, purpose, and possibilities.  What your father instilled and magnifies and built upon by your soulmate, which strengthens what has already been established and helps unearth the hidden jewels.

Don’t be so quick to dismiss the notion of soulmate.  You may not think he or she is your soulmate, but if you looked a little bit closer, you may discover they are the coal that helps to keep the fire burning in your soul.  And although Elizabeth Gilbert’s quote talks about the pain and lost of soulmates, without soulmates we may never unpeel the layers and truly discover the depths of our soul.  It is truly better to love, to love wholly, uninhibited, and without reservation, than to not love at all.

What do you think?  Do you agree with @TheMaryGraham that soulmates are a misnomer or @BrotherWord that soulmates are indeed a very real thing?  No matter how you see it, do not lose hope, give up on your dreams, or stop seeking love.

“The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And that’s what you’ve given me. That’s what I’d hoped to give you forever.” ~ Nicholas Sparks

“I no longer believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. But I was beginning to believe that a very few times in your life, if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you. Not because he was perfect, or because you were, but because your combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together.”  ~ Lisa Kleypas


Thank You and Continue to Spread the Word!

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